Category Funny

The Potency!

  Crippling dandruff! Unforgivable nipple abuse! Viking space poetry! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, The Potency! is officially available and, just between you and me, absolutely required if you wish to participate in fashionable society this summer. Indeed, scientifically, metaphysically and grammatically proven benefits of The Potency! ownership include the following: 1. Make your husband’s mistress […]

The Face of Oppression is Positively Adorable

While walking to my local grocery last Wednesday I found four hamsters in a trash pile. Unfortunately, two had already died and the other two looked like they were well on the way to freezing. I don’t really think of myself as the sort of person who has hamsters, but I also wasn’t going to […]

Using the Internet to Diagnose Myself Via the Notoriously Precise Science of Dream Analysis

I recently realized that I’m living a repressed, empty life of debauchery, gluttony and uncontrollable bellybutton lint. As such, I’ve abandoned all my “intellectual” pursuits in order to immerse myself in the new age. No more philosophy. Plato is dead to me. Science holds no more charm. You can no longer lead me astray with […]

A Lover’s Guide to Daecheong Lake

Woe be unto lovers. Who has not, upon visitng the same theater for the eighteenth time, grown weary of their love? Who, groaning and gnashing teeth, has not spent sleepless nights asking “how might I spice up date night?” Surely there are few who, casting their eyes upon Pizza Hut’s “Deluxe” buffet for the sixth […]

Word Shape

I recently did a writing exercise with Karen Terrey where we attempted to associate words not by meaning, but by shape or sound. The idea was to open up new avenues of connection in our writing. This is what I came up with, beginning with the word defenestrate. You might have more fun reading this […]

Watching “The Interview” in Korea

“The Interview” is an American buddy comedy, owned by Sony Pictures, primarily making fun of North Korea. Naturally, North Korea responded by hacking Sony’s database and releasing several of that company’s upcoming films. The North Koreans (probably) then threatened to commit ACTS OF TERROR against cinemas daring to showcase The Interview. That my native country, […]

The Stupor Bowl

In trivial news, the New England Patriots lost the 2008 Super Bowl to the New York Giants. In non-trivial news, I celebrated that day by attending the momentous, historical Stupor Bowl VI. The Stupor Bowl is a more or less annual exhibition of mutant bike culture and extreme- skills contests put on by the Reno […]

Cheap-ish Cars For People Who Regret Their Tribal Tattoos

Only a decade ago, we who prefer to look down on the vulgarians could enter the nearest car dealership and reliably find something to snicker at. Women with $300 shoes and tiny, annoying dogs flooded dealerships in order to buy Cadillac and Lexus SUVs that combined the efficiency of oil field fires with the road […]

The Meaning of Life

This is a translated version of the speech I delivered yesterday in my Toastmaster’s Meeting. Yoon Du-kyeong, Kim Hyeon and Lee Kyeong are my students, and fellow Toastmasters, at Mokwon University. The original is here, in Korean. What is the meaning of life? That’s a very deep question, so I’ll give you a second to […]

인생의 중심

이런 기사는 저의 토스트마스터스의 연설입니다. 윤두경, 김현과 이경은 토스트마스터스 멤버와 목원대학생입니다.  영어로 쓴 각본은 여기있습니다.  인생의 중심 뭐에요? 아주 깊은 생각입니다. 윤두경, 인생의 중심 뭐에요? “즐거운 삶을 지내면 인생의 중심입니다.” 흠. 흥미로워요. 틀리지만, 흥미로워요. 김현, 인생의 중심 뭐에요? “가족은 인생의 중심입니다.” 아뇨. 인생의 중심은 철학입니다! 어린이부터 저의 인생을 이해하고 싶었습니다. 초딩때 백과사전을 읽었습니다. 특별히 공룡의 […]