Highly Questionable Modifications Done to the Car I Drive Everyday

Because I’m creative (really cheap), I have decided to pursue my racing ambitions through the twin approaches of aerodynamic efficiency and superior suspension geometry. These things, in addition to their inherent spiritual, aesthetic and moral superiority, have the minor benefits of being free or nearly free.  The previous two weekends, as such, have been spent in the pursuit of handling, durability and aerodynamic improvements. Granted, this turned out being rather more work than I thought, but at least I got to tear the entire front off the car and replace it with different parts of mysterious origin myriad color.

This is the first time I've taken my car apart and not found new rust. I found crash damage instead.

This is the first time I’ve taken my car apart and not found new rust. I found crash damage instead.

With most of the car in a pile on the ground, I set to work rerouting the oil cooling lines on my car. I, probably because of a deep-seated pubic insecurity, chose to plumb my oil cooler with steel braided lines. Sadly, steel braided oil lines are approximately twice as corrosive to anything they touch as the soul of Satan. However, my endless ingenuity (cheapness) presented the solution to this problem in the form of rubber lining purchased from my local gardening store.

Oil cooler. You can see how I protected the ridiculous steel braided lines from themselves.

Oil cooler. You can see how I protected the ridiculous steel braided lines from themselves.

This treatment continued all the way to the oil filter adapter.

More oil line routing porn.

More oil line routing porn.

After that, I got my custom tubular bumper for increased chassis stiffness and better airflow. The original was huge, flimsy, heavy and blocked off a good 40% of the radiator, not to mention more than half of my oil cooler.

Thanks to Turbo Spark for the very nice fabricated bumper support.

Thanks to Turbo Spark for the very nice fabricated bumper support.

Forsooth, says ye, upon which mountain hast ye hidden the rest of thy groovy aerodynamic devices made upon that fair Saturday afternoon? Fear not, fellow traveler, the fiberglass scoops made from discarded pork packaging have found purchase upon my fenders, creating a masterpiece of function so subtle, so tasteful as to render traditional art meaningless by comparison.

The pink color of unpainted resin really blends nicely here with weather beaten white paint and the black tones from my “outdoor furniture paint” custom hood.

The reason all this air extraction matters is because I’m building a flat bottom. Normally hot, high pressure air in the engine compartment escapes through the bottom of the car. This has the good effects of keeping everything cool and being cheap. It has the bad effects of causing high speed lift, increasing drag and generally making the car suck at anything over highway speeds. The flat bottom prevents everything in both the good and bad categories.

In order to keep my flat-bottomed car from overheating, I need to give that hot, high pressure air someplace to go. My answers are out through the hood and fenders. The fact that both of these openings point roughly up means that high pressure air is going to make downforce on its way out as well. As of now, without the flat bottom installed, they basically do nothing.

Finally, I did indeed spend money on one thing to improve the power of my monstrous Daewoo taxi engine. Turbo Spark made me a custom 4-2-1 header to improve high end power and cut weight. The fabrication of said part required the exposure of the cylinder head’s exhaust ports, which are pretty much awful. There may be some intimate time with me and the head and a dremel tool on the horizon.

Here you can see the front end modifications tucked away behind the factory bumper skin.

Here you can see the front end modifications tucked away behind the factory bumper skin. You may also notice the shocking lack of custom 4-2-1 exhaust header.

I should explain that lack of header. You see, capitalism has failed. The entire system of global trade, supply and demand, enterprise and free exchange has crashed to the ground and left us smothered beneath its smoking ruins. How else am I to explain the difficulty of finding the proper aftermarket header flanges for the booming Deawoo performance industry? My engine’s massive power potential, it seems, will have to wait a week or so longer.

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I think this needs to be made into a stencil and spray painted onto my car.

남은 것1My tasteful asymmetrical color scheme in full effect in this delightful photo.

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This will actually function when I finish the flat bottom, I promise.

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