Author Archives: authorbengarrido
Hostile Takeovers
Melissa, 11 or 12 years-old and dressed in an expensive yellow vest with fur lining, walked with the rigidity and formality of a senior vice president for human resources. She stood before Jenny and spoke with a seriousness both upbeat and weaponized. “I’m not your friend anymore,” Melissa said. “The circumstances make that impossible. I […]
Word Shape
I recently did a writing exercise with Karen Terrey where we attempted to associate words not by meaning, but by shape or sound. The idea was to open up new avenues of connection in our writing. This is what I came up with, beginning with the word defenestrate. You might have more fun reading this […]
Being Lazy, Making Cool Stuff
Ladies and gentlemen, I first want to thank you for reading my blog. I do not take your attentions for granted. You may have noticed that I haven’t produced anything recently and for that I apologize. It’s not laziness, or at least not totally laziness. I’m working on some big projects that are sucking up […]
Short Thoughts in Two Parts
Reflecting on the New Year: I’m really bad about saying yes. When I pick up the phone and talk to the guy who can make a really cool racing part and then decline the opportunity because I want to save money for delux dry-cleaning, I’m saying no when I should say yes. When I turn […]
Watching “The Interview” in Korea
“The Interview” is an American buddy comedy, owned by Sony Pictures, primarily making fun of North Korea. Naturally, North Korea responded by hacking Sony’s database and releasing several of that company’s upcoming films. The North Koreans (probably) then threatened to commit ACTS OF TERROR against cinemas daring to showcase The Interview. That my native country, […]
2014 in review
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog. Here’s an excerpt: The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many […]
Bad Man, Funny Girl
“Is there a Mr. Patriarchy S. Infantalizer in the waiting room?” research assistant Jamie Jayne asked. “I want to make sure I have the name right.” “That’s me, but you can just call me Patriarchy.” “It’s so nice of you to join us all the way from the 19th century, Patriarchy. I’m very grateful […]
On My Father’s Birthday: A Letter To The Man Who Killed Him
Originally posted on TALES FROM THE MOTHERLAND:
Dear Sir, I don’t know your name, but you killed my father on June 9, 1973, in Stockton, California. My father was thirty-two years old then; I was ten. If he had lived, he would have been 74 on November 29th. The year my dad ws killed I am…
An Open Letter to My Readers
Dear Readers, I’m sure you’ve seen articles in which writers explain their struggles to find inspiration. I’m sure you’ve seen articles where writers explain how, crushed as they are under unbearable work loads and familial burdens unequaled by Atlas himself, it’s just so hard to find time to bless you all with another glorious tome […]
Buying Happiness
A lot of folks believe that money doesn’t buy happiness. I don’t think I outright disagree, but I can’t help rolling my eyes. Part of this is my maniacal (and often hypocritical) hatred for cliche, but a bigger factor is simply the fact I’ve been both upper and lower class and, as such, I know […]
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