We the Translation, Habitually Done

As many of you know, East Asia is a wonderful source for colorful mistranslation. If you are unfamiliar with the specifics, engrish.com will surely avail you of all you need to know. However, lest you think the language barrier only works one way, lest you think all your base are belong to us, I submit to you these screen shots from the online computer game “Team Waldo,” which is evidently some sort of witches and dragons geek thing. Yes, I am aware the last two pictures come from some other game, but I’ve decided to treat this all as one narrative because that’s more fun.  I will attempt to preserve the grammar mistakes and write this in the way a Korean would see it.

^This is the official logo of the game. The big part next to the guy’s face is fine. “Team Waldo.” But move down to the smaller Korean script on the lower edge and things get a little dicey. To the best of my abilities —

“We the translation, habitually done!”

It’s impossible to tell exactly what they were trying to say, but I think it’s either “translated into our language” or “we translated it.” Whatever, close enough.

So now we get down to business and Waldo introduces himself thusly:

"Hillo. Muscular, powerful morning. I Waldo."

“Greetings peasant. Muscular, powerful morning. If you try to ask me everyday, I Waldo.”

I think they were trying to say “mighty fine morning,” but there are two problems. First Koreans don’t really say good morning. The more appropriate morning greetings would be along the lines of “please be safe,” “did you eat breakfast,” or “did you sleep well?” If I were to write “아침이 좋다”, the literal translation of “good morning,” it would be strange if intelligible. I’ve done exhaustive research and contacted the world’s foremost experts. They unanimously agree that wishing someone a “muscular morning” sounds equally retarded in all languages.

Mercifully, the next scene allows us to escape from the “translation habitually doing, muscular morning” guy and delivers us into the tender arms of this lady.

She seems nice, right? In computer game land it’s obvious she’s the damsel soon to be in distress with her princess dress and golden hair thingy. There’s at least one passionate kiss made for mysterious reasons in her pixelated future. Things are looking up and then she speaks …

“Morning good! Me Kelly! Our meeting is nice to meet you!”

We have clearly stumbled into an enchanted village full of people who’ve been inbreeding since Mitochondrial Eve consumated her first marriage. But there’s hope, get past this screen and it’s officially time to kill monsters.

"Brain Sucking People."

“Brain Sucking People.”

Evidently all those people on the bottom would like to pry open a cranium or two for dessert. Let’s move on.

"Strong Grass"

“Strong Grass”

The only explanation I can think of is that the translators were smoking a lot of strong grass when they prepared this masterpiece.

You can’t concentrate on the strong grass for too long because soon you have to face the terrifying Oh-That’sOkay monster.

"Ogre, creatively misspelled so that it sounds like 'oh, that's okay.'"

“Ogre, creatively misspelled so that it sounds like ‘oh, that’s okay.'”

Fighting the Oh-That’sOkay monster naturally results in tons of gore. Thankfully, our dependible narrator is there to express what we’re all truly feeling when we see dozens of decaying corpses.

"Delicious Freshness"

“Delicious Freshness”

At this point the nonstop action has gotten too much and we all need to do some soul searching. Waldo himself provides the catharsis.

"Look at my tongue."

“Look at my tongue.”

Sadly, the death of the “Oh-That’sOkay” monster does not cure Waldo land of all that ails it. Something fiendishly delicious awaits all the innocent inbreeders.

"It is a lair. The dragon's eggplant penis is very delicious at this place."

“It is a lair. The dragon’s eggplant penis is very delicious at this place.”

Thankfully you survive the delicious eggplant penis and kill the dragon. Turns out they named the dragon the “born dragon” for some reason, but whatever. You uncover the agent of doom who has terrorized the village for so long and bring him to justice. He is of course terrified of the justice you will soon bring down on his head.

"Assistance please."

“Assistance please.”

This is “help,” but it’s the noun form of the word. The closest approximation in English would be the robotized DMV lady voice who says “assistance … window 6-5-1-9.”

The story then ends with Waldo slipping on an “iron letter” (chainmail) and riding off into the sunset.

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One comment

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