Johnny Von Crime sat in his house watching the news about Bastards Inc being removed from Bullseyesian territory. The thought of all those Capitalism Berries going to waste moved him near to tears. If somebody with real stones moved in, there’d be a fortune in black market Capitalism Berries.
“Secretary,” Johnny Von Crime says. “Call me Paulo the Enforcer. We’re going to need to discuss a new business opportunity.”
Paulo the Enforcer tucked the illegal Baretta 9 mm into his waistband, put out his cigarette and walked into Johnny Von Crime’s underground base.
“What’s up,” Paulo asks. “You got somebody who needs persuasion?”
“I think that’s very likely, Paulo. You see, there’s a bunch of jungle bastards down in Bullseyesia who think they deserve to take all the Capitalism Berries for themselves. I think that’s very, selfish, if you know what I mean.”
Paulo nodded and grinned.
“So Paulo,” Johnny says. “I want you to go down to Bullseyesia and teach those rat bastards some manners. Be persuasive. Make them see things our way.”
Paulo boarded the next flight to Bullseyesia and met with the local thugs. Sourcing blackmarket weapons is always easy, so that didn’t pose a problem. With Bastards Inc out of the picture, there was nobody with modern weapons, communications or transportation to oppose them. The dispossessed former Capitalism Berry farmers proved very willing to help anyone who would support their now illegal farming claims and thus Paulo had an easy source of local knowledge.
Paulo the Enforcer was also an entrepreneurial man and thus he soon expanded his operations into endangered species smuggling and illegal deforestation. The wishes and desires of the Bullseyesians were similarly easy to deal with. Paulo simply shot anyone who objected. He explained the rationale to Johnny Von Crime on one of his calls home.
“I see you’ve been very persuasive,” Johnny says.
“Yes,” Paulo says. “These indigenous people are too weak to defend themselves and, frankly, being weak and in possession of valuable things is a death sentence. I’m just doing the work of mother nature. Granted, they are wising up and arming, but gang wars are nothing new to people like you and me.”
Maurine the Mercenary lost her next election. With Bastards Inc. forced out of Bullseyesia, the taxes dried up and the schools went back to being under-funded. The voters blamed her and this turn of events, understandably, made Maurine bitter. In her frustration, she called Murrietta the Moral.
“Are you happy now, Murrietta?” Maurine the Mercenary asks. “You not only ruined our chance to get Angels Incorporated but then you drove out Bastards Inc. Now I get no taxes, the Bullseyesians are fighting for their lives against Paulo the Enforcer and our entire province is being overrun with organized crime. All because of you!”
Murrietta the Moral thought this was complete bull crap and said so.
“Just because I won’t settle for useful greed? Is that why you have a problem? I will oppose everyone with selfish motives. If Paulo the Enforcer and the mafia were more civic minded, this wouldn’t be a problem. You accomodated corporate greed and this is what you get. No compromise. We need to support moral people all the time.”
“Have you looked at the consequences of your actions?” Maurine the Mercenary was almost beside herself.
“It’s an awful situation,” Murrietta the Moral says. “But we’re not going to make it better by feeding into people’s greed. My intentions were good. My conscience is clear.”
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